Cleric Journal: Day Two Hundred and Fifty Three




“I am Leviathus Rising Star, Master of the Word, Wizard of the High Houses, Subjugator of Toads, Order of Starlight, Third Ring of Corpuscles, Fuchsia Servant of Thought”

Gods, I hated wizards.

“By the treaty of the Magenta council, I demand the rights afforded to me by my station and importance within the City of Skyfell and the Great University.”

I looked at Rufus, already feeling a headache coming on.  He raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded.

“I am Ruffalo Androgen, Thunder Caller, Maker of the Word, High Wizard of the Court of Antiquities, Grand Master of Imperforate, Order of Nightshade First Class , Fourth Ring of Corpuscles, Emerald Servant of Mists.  By my station and my tenure with the Great University, I stand in judgment.”

Leviathus looked as if he’d been struck.  His already pale face lightened a shade and his lower lip quavered.  He wasn’t looking quite so haughty now.

Tim coughed and I glanced at him, nodding at his impatience.  Fine, I said to him with my eyebrows.  Let’s continue this maddening farce.

He seemed to take my eyebrows seriously, for he stood straighter and recited, “I am Timoteus, Lightning Wielder, Bringer of the Word, Wizard of the Court of Relics, Master of Plenary, Order of Night Shade, Fifth Ring of Corpuscles, Jade Servant of Light.  By my station and my tenure with the Great University, I stand in judgment.”

If Alfred had not been standing there, Leviathus may have fainted outright.  However, Alfred nudged him upright and the managed a weak splutter.

“There are but two,” he finally stammered out.  “You cannot stand in judgment without a third.”

That was my cue.  I hated these games, but you know, I didn’t want to just brain the guy.  Besides, killing him wouldn’t be as humiliating for him.  Hell, he’d likely welcome a good beating about now.

I stepped forward and using my best intonation announced, “I am the Fool, Merric Life Bringer, formally Useless Lump, Bearer of the crest of Kithri — Bread Mistress and Life Giver. I am Prophet of Semaunzilla (may she strike her foes with aplomb) — scaly harbinger of parity.  I am he who wields of the Mace of Teeghel; Captain of the Night Wing legion; slayer of the great snow beast; demon bane; priest of love and life.”  I drew breath and went on.  “Merric of the honeyed loaf ; Knight of the Journal; Secret Keeper of the Forgotten Citadel; Whisperer of Fallen Flames, Dragon Blight and giant slayer.”  I glanced at Alfred who just shrugged, “Conqueror of  the Hallowed Fortress, liberator and peace monger,” and last but not least, “Time warden and catalyst of a waking god.”

Here I glanced at Nebuchadnezzar who stood to the side, witness to our trial.

“Wow,” Sparkle whispered to me when I finished.  “You are nearly pompous enough to be a wizard.”

Luckily Leviathus did not hear her.

“What University?” he asked.  “I do not recognize any of those orders.”

Tim stepped forward and read from a parchment.  “Merric Life Bringer, having saved the lives of two members of the Order of Nightshade, is hereby bequeathed the title of Wizard of the Order, second class.”

“Add that to your list,” Rufus said with a straight face.  “My weasel suit could get an order of second class, but it’s enough.”

The crowd turned to me, as if waiting for a response.  “Merric Life Bringer, Order of Nightshade, second class,” I amended.  ” By my station and my tenure with the Great University, I stand in judgment.”

Tim nodded and stepped back.  Leviathus lurched forward, his good hand clenched into a hooked claw.  “Second class?” he shouted.  “Second class?”  He gibbered, spinning to take in the witnesses.  None of them seemed to have any idea what was being said.

“Oh,” I added, stepping toward the spinning wizard.  “I’ll add healer of broken elbows to my list if you’ll settle down.”

Leviathus glared at me for a moment, then as if a sheet of water had been laid upon him, he grew calm.  “Thank you,” he said.

That was different.  Being a wizard took a lot of mental fortitude, that was true.  I think I’d just seen the best example of that I’d ever see.

I healed him, even though Sparkle said I was an idiot.

Leviathus was exultant, moving his arm around in great sweeping motions, flexing his wrist, splaying his fingers in great wiggling motions.  “Thanks the most high god,” he breathed.  Then he fainted.

Healing can take it out of a person, especially if I’m not careful how I do it.

This drew an approving nod from Sparkle.

All in all the trial took about as long as it took for me to heal all the lizard folk and more than half of the Black Heart survivors.  Over two weeks.  By then everyone was ready to travel.

I made arrangements for Just Jacob to take over the Hallowed Fortress as governor along with his brigands.   Alfred and the fairies wanted to accompany me back to Wizard Tim’s tower, now called Night Wing Tower, much to his consternation.

Liz’s people said they would not return home, instead they would return to Night Wing Tower and decide from there.  The remnants of the Black Heart Legion were folded into my own legion and would accompany me back as well.  Half of the goblins opted to go with me, and the other half opted to remain and help Just Jacob clean up the slave pens, clear out the nasties in the catacombs and sewers, and generally help keep the place in order.

Nebuchadnezzar had convinced his people to remain as well, with him as their leader, but under the governance of Just Jacob.  I liked this plan.  The treasure rooms were divided and two thirds would accompany me back to Night Wing Tower to help pay for supplies and salaries for my burgeoning army.

The two merchants that had been nervously waiting to do business with the frog king had survived and were happy enough to trade with Just Jacob, as Leviathus had promised them the next ruler would.

For the moment, everyone had a place and a mission.  I was feeling practically giddy with relief.  Now I just had to deal with the wizard debacle and I was free to go.

In the end it was Leviathus who freed the lizard folk.  After all it was he who had taught the frogs to utilize the magic they used to control all the slaves.  It took us only a few hours of disenchanting to free them all.  Rufus and Tim were a great help, but Leviathus assisted as much as he could.  His broken elbow had wrecked his concentration and his rest.  Memorizing spells was not a skill for one in constant pain.

Finally, once we had Leviathus revived the trial completed in short order.  Leviathus would return to the Grand University with a list of demands, including bequeathing certain regions to my new legion.  Funny how important everyone thought that was.  I bet none of those stuffed shirts had ever left their towers, let alone walked through this swamp.

It did grant me certain amount of assistance and the undying love of Rufus who was thrilled to see Leviathus humiliated.

“He’s a pompous elf of the worst sort,” he said, which surprised me.  I thought Leviathus was human.  “Only elf on his father’s side,” he went on.  “Thought he was better than the rest of us all through school.  Ass.”

Rufus would accompany Leviathus back to Skyfell with the written confession, list of demands and supplies, and other little bits of political manipulation we could entertain, including granting Johann full tenure, and having a group of the old masters work on getting Beatrice’s curse removed.

All is all it was more than I could hope for.

I just wish I wasn’t so exhausted by it all.

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